


I'll Miss You

by Oricalle



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Goodbyes, Hurt/Comfort, Master & Servant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-13 22:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20181868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oricalle/pseuds/Oricalle
Summary: Camilla hasn't ever practiced this goodbye.  She hoped she'd never need to.





	I'll Miss You

Camilla had spent a long time hoping that this moment would never come.

Selena was one of the most important parts of Camilla’s life, and she almost wasn’t even in it. Had her father not appointed the mysterious foreigner as one of his daughter’s retainers, she never would have had a chance to meet someone she had now spent several years with. Selena had fought by her side, been a shoulder to cry on, needed a shoulder herself, drank with her, travelled with her, and spent long evenings talking into the night with her. Usually, having Selena across from her would be no cause for alarm at all.

But it turned out Selena never even truly existed.

The woman’s name was Severa, and she came from another world.

It was a secret that Camilla hadn’t learned until very recently. After years of trust and support, Selena had told her lady and fellow retainer Beruka the truth, half an ale in one hand as she recounted tales of a sword-wielding magical princess and a dragon who brought the apocalypse, brought low after a quick bout of time travel. Her first response was to usher the poor thing into bed so she could sleep off the alcohol, but when the morning came and Selena was just as adamant, Camilla realized it was the truth. Somewhere, a family was waiting for their beloved “Severa” to return, and the nights she’d spent consoling her dejected retainer over seemingly nothing suddenly began to make sense.

Not even her prodigy brother could deduce a way to cross worlds, so Selena would remain Selena, something the girl grimly accepted. Much to her own shame, part of Camilla was happy, because losing Selena would feel like losing part of herself.

It was funny how things turned out.

When she and her retainers were summoned to the Kingdom Of Askr, Camilla was honestly excited. A chance to meet remarkable new heroes and fight in exciting battles? She was over the moon, and Beruka had responded to the bizarre circumstances with her usual nonchalant apathy. Selena, though, seemed partially distraught. She’d groaned and complained, as she usually did, but there was a sort of deep sadness behind her words that wasn’t typical of the sour swordswoman. Being shuffled between worlds like this couldn’t have been easy on the poor thing, so Camilla had arranged a day out with her to tour the castle, just to try and lift her spirits.

It was on that trip that it had happened. Turning a corner into a large lobby room, Selena had shrieked and dashed forward, a confused Camilla ambling slowly after her. When she yelped and threw her arms around a blue haired woman, Camilla feared she may have to seek out medical help for her. But the woman wasn’t afraid, she was excited, and when they both entered a warm embrace, Camilla realized that this had to be what she had long feared. 

Thankfully, some of that fear melted away as Selena excitedly pulled Camilla over to meet with her friend, Lucina, and a taller redhead who bore a shocking resemblance to her retainer. Evidently her mother, although she didn’t look too much older. They were both overjoyed to see “Severa” again, and as they thanked Camilla for keeping her safe, a realization of their situation crept in.

Severa had a life somewhere else, full of people that were real and cared for her. She had a family, a home, and that had all been ripped away from her when she arrived in Nohr. Someday, as she had confessed once, she would need to return. And Camilla would have to let her go.

So it was that Severa was standing outside the door to Camilla’s room in Castle Askr, a bag packed with belongings dangling from her shoulder. Severa spread her arms, looked up at the taller woman, and grinned.

“Okay. Strike me down.”

Camilla blinked. “Pardon?” Beruka, standing next to her, gave a confused grunt.

Severa laughed. “You told me once that you’d rather kill me yourself than give up my services as a retainer. So…”

“Oh, I did say that, didn’t I?” The redhead continued to laugh as Camilla rolled her eyes. “Darling, you know it isn’t too late for me to have Beruka knock you out and lock you in our closet.”

“You wouldn’t!” Severa shot back, looking mostly sure of her response.

Camilla fought back tears as she looked Severa over, dreading the next few words. She wanted to run from it, but there was no escaping time.

“Selena, I release you from your service. You are no longer a retainer to the Royal Princess of Nohr.”

She felt a little nauseous.

Severa sighed. “It really has been lovely, Lady Camilla.”

Camilla nodded. “I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful helper to join our little family.”

Leaning forward, Severa wrapped her arms around Camilla’s waist and hugged her tightly. The taller woman returned the squeeze, leaning down to hold her former retainer’s midsection.

As she pulled away, Severa glanced at Beruka, who offered her hand. Smirking, Severa gripped it and shook.

“Still not very touchy-feely, huh?”

Beruka shook her head, and Severa looked up at Camilla, exhaling.

“Well. Goodbye, Lady Camilla.”

With that, Severa turned on her heel and walked away, years of service and friendship concluded with a single sentence. For a moment, it froze Camilla in her tracks. 

She remembered the time Selena had gotten lost in the woods outside Windmire, and she had spent the entire evening combing the area with Beruka. She knew her retainer was an able combatant, and no mere wild animal or pack of bandits could hope to stand up to her. Unfortunately, fear only amplified her emotions, and her brain had tormented her with images of Selena trapped in a cave, Selena drowning in a river, or Selena bleeding on the ground, weakly calling out for her Lady to rescue her. Once they found her, simply having taken an extra day to hunt wild boars for a snack, Camilla had spent days concocting a worthy punishment after sobbing all over Selena’s hair.

She had thought she would do anything to keep Selena by her side, but here she had just let her walk away.

Beruka’s hand pulled her back to reality, tapping lightly on her waist.

“Lady Camilla?”

“Yes, dear?” She tried to keep her voice level, knowing that losing her head here couldn’t help anyone.

“I’d like to go and survey the area.”

Camilla hesitated. Beruka had to process this loss in her own way, and Camilla didn’t want to prevent her from being alone. Still, she didn’t want to lose her own company. Finally, she made a decision, recalling a lecture from Xander on selfishness. 

“Go ahead. I’ll be in my chambers for the rest of the day.”

Without a word, Beruka left, and for the first time in a very long time, Camilla was alone.

When Selena had first entered her service, she had been standoffish. Despite Camilla’s attempts to get her new attendant to open up, she rarely spoke unless specifically spoken to, and seemed to take every instruction with a barely masked degree of annoyance. It had been difficult to try and connect when each attempt to open up was pushed away, somehow seeming angrier than when Beruka deflected. Tensions were uncomfortably high for a few long days, and on the day Selena had been selected to accompany her on a trip into town to shop for gala clothing, Camilla expected nothing more than the typical derision. And she was right, in a sense. Selena did little more than glare and nod until Camilla reached a tailor’s shop and was eyeing a long red gown. She ran her fingers across the sequins attached, marvelling under her breath when Selena’s voice interrupted her train of thought.

“Gods, that’s awful.”

As she turned, Selena darted her eyes away, as if she was pretending not to have spoken up at all. Camilla, however, wasn’t that foolish. She tilted her head and fixed Selena with a questioning glance.

“What was that, dear Selena?”

Her retainer seemed to panic for a moment, fearful as Camilla’s royal figure loomed over her.

“I just...ugh, Lady Camilla...look at it! The stitching is all wrong!”

Selena had suddenly jolted forward, coarsely rubbing the offending garment between her thumb and forefinger. “These sequins totally jam up the needlework. One of these gets caught on something and either ten of them fall off or half the dress hits the floor! Not to mention the sheer fashion crime that-”

Camilla marveled at her retainer’s sudden burst of emotion. She was talking now more than she had in the remainder of the week she’d known her! Every opinion and complaint seemed to freely pour from the woman’s mouth as she meticulously critiqued the gown, as well as several other adjacent pieces of clothing. When Selena finally slowed to a stop, she looked back up at Camilla and suddenly seemed to be pulled back to reality as realization dawned on her face.

“I’m sorry, Lady Camilla. Please don’t kick me out.” she muttered, eyes downcast.

Grinning, Camilla cheerfully tousled her retainer’s hair. “Why, darling, you may have just stopped me from purchasing something that would make me look like a “sweaty apple peeling”.”

Selena blushed at the use of her own impassioned insult, but Camilla’s wide smile didn’t fade.

“Kick you out? I don’t know why I’d run the risk of opening myself to such a fashion mistake in the future. Now, let’s finish up, and you don’t hesitate to tell me how you feel about anything I pick up, got it?”

Severa looked up, energy twinkling in her eyes.

“Of course, my Lady.”

That had been her introduction to Selena’s signature biting commentary, which quickly became a staple of her everyday life. Most of the other Nohrian nobles disapproved, but quietly, given that very few of them were brave enough to say it to Camilla’s face. Sometimes being the royal princess had its perks, and frequently riding a massive wyvern certainly didn’t hurt. She truly did value Selena’s input. Rarely did people tell Camilla what they actually thought, given how Nohr operated on cutthroat politics and underground deals. Beruka helped her deal with this in her own way, thanks to the ex-assassin’s natural talents for espionage, but Camilla greatly appreciated the way Selena had no trouble giving her most honest opinion on...well, anything. Except people, of course. She knew her beloved retainer very rarely said exactly what she meant when it came to others, aside from Beruka and Camilla herself, and even they sometimes received frostier critiques than were truly deserved.

She wondered if that was why Selena had barely said goodbye.

Camilla closed her chamber doors and walked to the vanity in the corner, every step feeling like she had lead weights tied to her legs. Taking a long, deep breath, she looked in the mirror and examined her face. The fake smile she so often wore was still attached, worn at the edges and fraying fast, but still there. She was certain she could charm a scheming duke or bluff her way past his guards even now, but such things were behind her at this point, she supposed. Finally letting it fall, the Camilla she saw staring back was not the one the rest of the world knew.

Her shoulders sagged, her eyes were dull, and her typical lascivious grin was replaced with a defeated frown. This Camilla wasn’t allowed in public, wasn’t even supposed to exist anymore, but no transformation, no matter how hard-fought, was perfect. She let genuine sadness rake across her heart, putting an elbow on the table and letting her forehead come to rest on her hand. Gods, she was tired. As she pulled back, preparing to go lie in bed, her elbow collided with something soft, out of place. It was a black hairband, callously tossed and left behind, and another memory slowly drifted back.

“Stay with me, Lady Camilla!”

Rain was pouring down on the highway outside Windmire. Every season was the rainy season in Nohr, but tonight’s storm was particularly bad. Camilla had departed with her retainers to investigate claims of a bandit outpost near the city. The rumors had been true, and despite their clumsy attempts at an ambush, the twelve ruffians were no match for the crown princess and her two allies, and they were swiftly routed.

Just not swiftly enough to stop the crossbow bolt being fired into Camilla’s leg moments before the archer was downed by one of Beruka’s hand axes.

Beruka had flown off to get help and medical supplies, unsure of the safety of transporting Camilla with the amount of bleeding she was doing. The princess herself was lying in the mud to the side of the road, grinning up at Selena through clenched teeth. Blood trickled from a deep hole in her left leg, just below the shin. Selena had removed her greave and was assessing the wound, grimacing deeply.

“Selena, please...I’ve had worse.”

Selena shook her head, her pigtails splashing water out like a dog shaking after a bath. “Lady Camilla, this is worse than it looks, you’re losing a lot of blood!” Selena was trembling in the rainfall, or at least Camilla thought she was. Her vision was lightly blurring, and she suddenly felt lightheaded. Selena reached up and yanked the band keeping one of her pigtails in place, unraveling it and letting her scarlet hair tumble down the side of her face. She swiftly wrapped the free band around Camilla’s open wound, pulling it tight across like a makeshift bandage. Camilla’s eyelids felt heavy.

“Darling, I think I’m going to take a bit of a nap. Is that okay?”

“Lady Camilla! Don’t do that, please, keep your eyes on me!”

Two hands came down on Camilla’s shoulders and shook her roughly, prompting a quiet giggle.

“Oh, Selena, you know I’ll never be disappointed to see your pretty little face! But I’m just so tired, can it wait until morning?”

The moon was so soothing at this time of night. Camilla was trying to enjoy it, but Selena seemed to keep blocking the way.

“Okay, Lady Camilla, um…” She could practically see the wheels desperately turning in Selena’s head. “Have I ever told you about the time my friend Brady and I fought a zombie wyvern?”

“Oh, how...exciting! You haven’t brought it up, sweetie.”

“Okay, okay…” Selena was nodding, using her hands to gently nudge Camilla’s face up to see her. “So, we had just protected this little village from the Risen. The mayor came out to thank us, but he was a complete jerk, just totally ungrateful! Oh, and his mustache, just awful, you would have hated it, trust me. Makes me want to vomit just thinking about it!”

Camilla laughed. “I trust you, dear, but wasn’t there a zombie wyvern in this story?”

“Oh, yeah, of course! So this geezer’s blabbing gets cut off by a terrifying roar coming from the west…”

Camilla couldn’t remember the rest of the story, but she remembered staying up and listening to Selena, watching her intently until Beruka’s wyvern blocked the moon, a satchel of medical supplies tied tightly to the mount’s back leg.

Camilla lightly stroked the abandoned hairband as she crawled into bed, feeling only a little silly for having such attachment to a simple strip of cloth. But it wasn’t just any bit of clothing, it was one that was almost never not seen in her beloved retainer’s hair. She had spent countless mornings either gently weaving something just like this into Selena’s hair as the retainer shook away sleep, or having it dangled in her own face as Selena fussed over her own lavender locks, always marvelling over the volume or the color. It was a symbol of old times, not always good, rarely peaceful, but always holding a dear place in Camilla’s heart.

Camilla bunched up her hair near the nape of her neck and clumsily tied a ponytail together with shaking hands. It probably wasn’t presentable for a day at King Garon’s court, but it was more than enough for sulking in bed. She imagined what Selena would say if she saw it. 

“You’re a princess! I can’t just let you go out like this, Lady Camilla! Let me get that for you.”

The phantom sensation of the retainer’s rough hands grabbing at her ponytail played at the ends of Camilla’s hair, and the floodgates finally opened.

She sobbed, quietly, letting the tears slide down her violet comforter and pool on her lap. She wouldn’t ever get to put that band in Selena’s hair again. Never hear her surprisingly bubbly laugh after a particularly ridiculous joke from Arthur, never get to feel the way her expert hands massaged her shoulders after a long day spent listening to Xander’s dull court instructions. She would never have reason to save the dark meat on her meals, quietly sliding it onto Selena’s plate as the swordswoman grinned conspiratorially at her mistress. She’d never snuggle a grumbling Selena close next to a campfire again, never get to spar alongside her or drink with her in celebration.

“You know something, Lady Camilla?”

Selena had been drunk, lightly swaying on the bench the pair were sitting on with a near-empty mug in her right hand. They were on a ship bound for the Hoshidan capital, and Selena had always hated Hoshidan drinks. Camilla supposed she was trying to make up the difference ahead of time.

“What’s that, dearest?” Camilla took a cautious sip from her wine glass, watching as the living warning sign in front of her nearly collapsed onto the table.

“You make me happy.”

Camilla chuckled. “I try.”

“No, like...it’s hard! It’s so hard!” Selena dropped the mug as she waved her hands, the tiny bit of remaining alcohol sloshing onto the deck below. “I’m so...ecchhhh.” She stuck her tongue out and made a gagging sound. Camilla raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent. “I talk a lot, and I’m mean, and I’m not very pretty, and I can’t even ride a horse very well! I’m not very good for anything!”

Camilla’s eyes narrowed. She stood up and circled the bench, settling in behind Selena and wrapping her arms around the shaky swordswoman. “Dear, no more saying things like that about yourself. We’ve talked about this, remember?”

Selena nodded vigorously, finally meeting Camilla’s gaze with her head leaned fully back. Her eyes were glassy and distant.

“Yeah, but you’re...you like me! And you’re so nice to everyone you like, and I know that, and I like it, but...I...I dunno what I’m gonna do without you, Lady Camilla. Not again.”

She leaned the back of her head into Camilla’s stomach. The princess frowned down at her retainer, used to Selena being a sad drunk but never totally okay with it.

“You don’t have to be without me. You can stay right here in my arms as long as you like, okay? And nobody’s going to be calling you anything cruel while I’m here.”

Selena hiccuped, and Camilla wasn’t sure if it was from tears or alcohol. She hoped it was the latter. “Someday I’m gonna see my mom again, and I’m gonna tell her you said that…I’m gonna tell her you love me.”

“Of course I do,” Camilla cooed, caressing Selena’s hair. “You go ahead and tell her that.” She pulled her retainer tight against her and leaned back, watching the moon crawl over the ocean air.

“I’m also...also gonna tell Luci-”

“Greetings, fellow warriors of dusk!”

With his usual aplomb, Odin had dashed over from a nearby table, his eyes wide as he stared incredulously at Selena. “It seems our stoic master of the blade has imbibed an excess of ambrosia this evening! Who knows what sorts of…” He gave Selena a pointed look. “Wild and baseless things she might say in such a state!”

Camilla giggled, always glad to hear Odin’s enthusiasm, so long as it was in short bursts. “I think you’re right, Odin. Come on, Selena, we’re going to get you to bed!” She hefted the shorter woman over her shoulder despite a mumbled request for another mug and waved farewell to the dark mage. As they descended the stairs to the below deck bedchambers, she heard Selena whisper.

“Thank you.”

Camilla was still sobbing, the flood of lovely memories doing little to heal the wounds of losing such a dear partner. She resolved to try and rebuild, she’d be no good to Beruka or her family in this state, but it would be a challenge to go out every day and smile knowing that one of her lovely retainers would never return to her side.

She crossed her legs on the bed, faced the window, and buried her face in her hands, feeling the wet tears soak her palms as she gasped for breath. That phantom tug on the back of her ponytail returned, and she dug her fingernails into her palms.

“Lady Camilla.”

She treasured the fact that she could at least still remember what she sounded like. But that too, would fade in time.

“Lady Camilla?”

The tug came harder as the tears fell more quickly.

“Oh! You found my hairband!”

Camilla whirled, nearly headbutting Severa as she came into view, standing next to the bed with a shocked expression on her face.

“Lady Camilla, are you crying?”

Overcome with emotion, Camilla lunged, dragging a struggling Severa onto the bed. “You haven’t left yet! Did you return to say goodbye? Oh, darling, I didn’t want you to see me like this but it’s so hard to watch you have to go!”

Severa squirmed against the embrace. “I just came back! I forgot my hairband and I remembered I left it here!”

“Came back?” Camilla’s heart leapt in her chest. “They found a way to move back and forth between worlds? You can return sometimes? Oh, dear, that’s wonderful news! I’ll keep your pillows fluffed and your blankets ironed and-”

“I just walked...back down the hall...Lady Camilla!” Severa finally managed to pull away the arm that was somewhat blocking her windpipe. “What are you talking about?”

Camilla stared down at Severa, her lovely retainer’s expression a confused scowl. “But...your family lived in Ylisse! In another world!”

“Yes, and they’re here now.” Severa shook her head incredulously. “It’s not like they have a portal they use to jump around, they’re just...wait.” Her eyes widened as she wriggled out of Camilla’s grasp, sitting across from the princess and grabbing her by the shoulders.

“You thought I was leaving for GOOD?”

Weakly, Camilla nodded, and Severa pinched the bridge of her nose. “Lady Camilla, were you not listening to me! I told you I wasn’t going far, and that I’d still be here to spend time with you and Beruka! Heck, at the rate my mom tires me out I’ll probably be asking to sleep in your room most of the time!” Severa shook her shoulders, much harder than she had when Camilla was injured. “You were in here SOBBING because you thought I just said “Goodbye!” and walked out forever?” She pulled her hands back and clenched both fists.

“You...you giant DORK! You complete SAP! I can’t believe you’d...ugh.”

Severa leaned in and rested her forehead on Camilla’s shoulder, shaking her head slowly. “This is why I can’t leave you alone.”

The sobs slowed, replaced quickly by choking laughs. Camilla looked over her retainer and confirmed that yes, it was real, and it was her. Nobody else had those same clothes, that same hair, and that same sense of utter indignation. Laughs and sobs poured out in equal measure as she once again held Severa tight against her.

“Don’t you talk to me like that! You gave me such a scare, you naughty little thing! I’m going to keep you locked up in here for a month!”

“Lady Camilla!”

“Two months! And mandatory cuddles! And massages!”

Severa squeaked as the grip tightened. “Lucina! Help!”

Camilla looked up to see the blue haired girl from earlier standing in the doorframe. She shrugged and walked away, much to Severa’s protests. Camilla tossed her hair back and cackled, squeezing her retainer tight.

“I love you, dear.”

“I love you too, Lady Camilla. Please let go.”

**Author's Note:**

> "Oricalle," you ask, "when will you stop using Heroes as an excuse to write fluffy fics about post-canon characters!"
> 
> Probably never, sorry! But if it makes you happy, not sorry at all!
> 
> So I realized Camilla had a pretty big speaking role coming up in "Broken Blade", so I reread her supports and fell into the hole of reading a bunch of fanfics about her here. I've never really cared for her as a character, but honestly a lot of the work people have done here with her helped change my mind! I also got really soft for the way she interacts with Selena/Severa. 
> 
> Obviously there's a big opportunity for an angsty goodbye fic there, but I'm already sad enough, I played Three Houses to completion. I'm a fluff machine now! Here you go!
> 
> I sincerely hope you enjoyed, and I'm always open to feedback. Feel free to leave a comment or send a message and I'll be glad to talk!


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